Bowles Thrives!

"The greatest weapon against stress is our ability to choose one thought over another."  –William James

A Return Years in the Making

It was a crisp morning at the Bowles Rice Thrive in '25 attorney retreat. As I stood before a ballroom full of colleagues—some who knew parts of my story, others who had only heard fragments—I felt the weight of this moment.  After 10 years away, I had returned to Bowles Rice.

Behind the Mask of Success

For over two decades, I wore the mask of a successful attorney. Harvard Law School grad. Equity partner. High achiever. Someone who had "made it" by every external measure.

But behind the achievements was another story: relentless perfectionism, fear of failure, the crushing weight of billable hours, revenue demands and a crumbling marriage. 

Ten years ago, I left Bowles Rice burned out, depressed, and diagnosed with PTSD. For many years before then, I had convinced myself that if I just pushed harder—got through one more week, one more deadline—things would get better. But the harder I pushed that metaphorical boulder uphill, the heavier it became. Until one day, it rolled back and flattened me.

We're Not Alone: The Data Tells Our Story

My experiences aren’t unique. Struggles with chronic stress, overwhelm, burnout, and depression are alarmingly common—both in the world at large and even more so in our profession.

Bloomberg Law's 2024 Attorney Well-Being Report reveals a profession under siege:

• 50+% feel burned out
• 55% experience anxiety
• 48% struggle to focus on work tasks
• 56% of attorneys report disrupted sleep
• 45% can't disconnect from work
• 31% feel a lack of meaning or purpose

These aren't just statistics. They're our colleagues, our friends, maybe even you—struggling silently behind professional facades.

My contribution to this blog is my way of giving back: to share hard-earned lessons, offer practical tools, lessen the stigma, and create space for open dialogue about the challenges we face.

Shifting Out of Survival Mode

For most of my life, I didn't think about "well-being” or thriving. I focused on achievement: First in my family to go to college. Double major. Summa cum laude graduate. Harvard Law.

I had followed the script and achieved "success."  But inside was another story.

I knew for a long time that things were heading in the wrong direction. So I did what I do best: I researched. I dove into everything I could find about stress, burnout, anxiety, and depression—both traditional and holistic approaches. Along the way, I discovered a new field: positive psychology.

Unlike traditional mental health models that move people from negative to neutral, from burned out to not burned out, from depressed to not depressed, positive psychology asks: How do we thrive in our lives, our professions, our world?  I wasn't satisfied with just feeling "not anxious" or "not depressed." I wanted to thrive.

This realization led me to pursue a Master's in Applied Positive Psychology at the University of Pennsylvania, where I studied the science of meaning, resilience, positive emotion, and engagement. I’ve kept on learning ever since—and as I came to discover in studying positive psychology and its focus on using our strengths, my number one strength is love of learning.

So, I’m here sharing what I’ve learned so far . . .   And what I continue to discover.    

"Know Thyself": The Foundation of Healing

"Know Thyself." —Inscribed at the Temple of Apollo at Delphi

This ancient wisdom became the cornerstone of my recovery.

In today's fast-paced world, it's easy to run on autopilot, pushing away any troubling thoughts or emotions—rushing from one demand to the next, barely stopping to breathe. 

But we can't change what we don't see. 

Awareness—of our thoughts, patterns, triggers, values, motivations, goals—is foundational to meaningful change. 

Awareness opens the door to personal agency—choice over how we respond and power over the trajectory of our lives. 

"Know Thy Thoughts": How Our Brains Work Against Us

I started with my mind—the place I’ve felt most comfortable in my life. 

Three realizations were key as I started to rebuild:  

• Our brains are wired first and foremost for survival
• Our lives—including our thoughts—run mostly on autopilot
• Our minds shape our reality—and can be rewired to support the lives we want

Recent research shows we have at least 6,000 thoughts per day, others put the number as high as 60,000. Staggeringly, 95% of our cognitive activity is unconscious. The majority of our thoughts are negative, focused on assessing past patterns to predict future threats. 

Why? Because the amygdala—our brain's threat detector—is designed to keep us alive. It can't tell the difference between a lion in the bush and a critical email from a colleague. Meanwhile, our brain’s default mode network loops us through past regrets and future fears, while stress hijacks the prefrontal cortex we need for clear decision-making.

In high-demand fields like law, this creates a perfect storm for chronic stress, anxiety, depression, and burnout.

But here's the good news: Awareness is a superpower. With it, we can choose differently.

Observer Mode:  What Lies Beneath the Surface 

The first step is tuning into the mind.  

Are you aware of the thoughts bombarding your mind? Not only the conscious top-of-mind thoughts about your schedule or to-do-list or the latest irritation or aggravating conversation, but the non-stop cacophony running beneath the surface?  

When I was burning out, looking for answers, I went to a weekend retreat featuring a scientist and author who’d written extensively about stress and the mind-body connection, Joan Borysenko. She had invited a guest speaker, a psycho-neuroimmunologist, who studied the impact of our thoughts on our physiology and performance. Her message: Tune into the thoughts running through your head to understand the messages you’re often unknowingly sending to your mind and body—and choose those that support you. 

I came home from that retreat, stunned to catch myself on Monday morning as I walked to my car, thinking “I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired... .“ It was a non-stop loop. As I tuned in over the next few days, I heard this same message—just below the surface of my conscious thoughts so I wasn’t aware unless I stopped and paid attention—“I’m so tired. I’m so tired. I’m so tired... .“

I was shocked. How long had this been going on? I had been oblivious to this background running loop. Yes, there were many times when I would consciously think to myself, “I’m really tired. It’s been a long day” . . . but I had no idea that I had an “I’m so tired” loop running incessantly in the background.  

So, I started tuning in at random times. There were lots of “I’m so tireds” in there, lots of other thoughts too—mostly about things that had happened and were bothering me or other things I was worried might happen in the future. The vast majority were negative. Very few were about what was happening right here and now. 

It was a fascinating look into the inner workings of my mind—or at least the aspects of it that came into conscious awareness when I stopped and paid attention. 

Pattern Interrupt — A 60-Second Reset

Tuning into my mind led me to one of the most effective tools I’ve used—the “pattern interrupt”—a quick, conscious break in mental autopilot that helps us observe our thoughts and sensations and restore calm and clarity.

What is a Pattern Interrupt?

A cognitive-behavioral technique used to stop negative thought loops and re-engage the rational brain. Practiced regularly, it trains the nervous system to associate the present moment with safety and calm and brings the prefrontal cortex—the executive decision-making part of our brain—fully back online.

Here’s a quick 3-step process—modify the steps in any way that works best for you: 

Try it for 60 Seconds

Do it between meetings, in traffic at a stoplight, before a call, walking down the hall, etc.

STEP 1: Notice Your Thoughts or Sensations (20 - 30 seconds)

• Pause and observe your thoughts/sensations without judgment
• Label them: "worrying," "planning," “ruminating,” “judging,” or bodily sensations like "tight," "queasy," “shallow breathing.”
  • Labelling re-engages your prefrontal cortex

STEP 2: Anchor into the Present (30 - 40  seconds)

• Tune into your senses: sounds, smells, visuals, touch
  • What do you see? Hear? Smell? Feel?
• Take 2-3 slow deep breaths
• Affirm something grounding: "In this moment, all is well"
  • Choose a statement that resonates with you

STEP 3: Repeat Often 

Over time, you build the skill of responding in a way that builds resilience and mental agility, rewiring into a present moment that is linked to safety not threat.   

Resources for Deeper Learning

Books:

• The Stress Solution: The 4 Steps to a Calmer, Happier, Healthier by Dr. Rangan Chatterjee (For understanding the stress response and creating a thriving life)
• Why Zebras Don't Get Ulcers by Robert Sapolsky (The science of stress and its effects on the body)
• Unwinding Anxiety by Dr. Judson Brewer (For understanding anxiety patterns and breaking worry cycles)
• Flourish: A Visionary New Understanding of Happiness and Well-being by Martin Seligman (Foundational text on positive psychology from the field's founder)

Online Resources:

• University of Pennsylvania's Authentic Happiness website – Free assessments and research from the positive psychology center. 
• The West Virginia Judicial and Lawyer Assistance Program – Offers assistance to judges, lawyers and law students on a myriad of mental health, wellness and substance abuse issues. 

Podcasts:

• Emotional Longevity by Dr. Elisha Goldstein: "You Are Not Your Anxiety" (Practical approaches to managing anxiety and stress)
• Ten Percent Happier with Dan Harris: "How to Break Your Anxiety Habit” with Dr. Jud Brewer

Apps:

• Aura Health (currently 7-day free trial) – Personalized meditation and mindfulness programs
• Headspace (currently 14-day free trial) – Meditation and mindfulness for everyday life
• Insight Timer – Free meditation app with specific programs for stress, burnout and other wellness topics. 

Your Invitation to Thrive!

This post is part of the Bowles Thrives! blog—a space where we explore how to bring well-being into the legal profession and our individual lives. 

In the posts I contribute, my aim is simple: offer a helpful insight and a practical tool or resource. Try what resonates. Leave what doesn't.

But more than that, this is a call to conversation.

How do we thrive in a profession that demands so much? And in a world that’s filled with chaos and upheaval?  How can we support one another—not just as lawyers, but as people?

These are not easy questions. There is no one-size fits all solution, no tip or tool that will magically solve all of our problems. Well-being in our profession and the world is a complex and challenging topic.  

Let's ask the hard questions. Let's share our stories, our tools and our resources. Let's create a better way forward—together.

Join the Conversation

What has your journey with stress and well-being looked like in your legal career? Have you tried the pattern interrupt tool or other mindfulness techniques? What tools or strategies have made the biggest difference for you?

Share your thoughts and experiences by clicking the Contact tab above. Let us know what you’d find most helpful. 

Coming Soon:

• The Stress Habit: How to Stop Anxiety from Derailing Your Day
• The Power of Mindset: Reframing Stress to Fuel Growth